Understanding The Cycle of Abuse: The First Step to Healing (Part 2) | Dr. Char Newbold

The one thing we all have in common is that our silent crime was giving unconditional love. 
- Regina Marie 

 It is true that love involves making sacrifices; being in any kind of relationship entails the responsibility to understand genuinely, give selflessly, and love unconditionally. 

But where do we draw the line when it comes to giving up parts of ourselves to fight for the love that we, sometimes, are so desperately trying to save?  

This episode – Part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Char Newbold, a domestic violence survivor, advocate, and author – is both an enthralling and enriching experience. After recognizing the stages and cycle of abuse, which we discussed in the last episode, what do we do now? This time, let’s dig deeper into some of the reasons why people stay in unhealthy relationships, ideas and responses that enable abusive behaviors, and steps that we can and should do once we decide to finally break free. Plus, be familiar with some helpful resources that you can read or share with others.  

As Dr. Newbold mentions in this episode, “When we're looking at the effects of abuse, it's never about just the one person. It is always about the family.” We all want nothing but to protect, nurture, and love our families. But at some point, unconditional love can also mean saving and taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others.    

Healing Points of This Episode:

• As much as you want to, you can never be your partner’s savior. 
• You fall in love with a person first before seeing the “beast” that you didn’t know existed. Recognize that you love the person, but do not turn a blind eye to the horrible things he does just to protect and preserve the relationship. 
• In case you decide to finally break free, talk to an advocate or reach out to agencies that may offer help and assistance in carrying out your escape plan. Take note of/ track the patterns of abuse and prepare for your next course of action. 
• When somebody opens up about domestic violence, it is important to validate their feelings and experiences and to offer options rather than telling them what to do. 
• A lot of helpful resources are available. Educate yourself more about domestic violence so you can be armed with information and wisdom. 

Words of Healing

• I couldn't be his savior as much as I was trying.  I couldn't fix him. Only one can do that, and that's God. I can't fix him. I can't change him. – Dr. Char Newbold
• Every relationship is co-created.  That doesn't mean we're responsible for their behaviors or their reactions, but we're responsible for us.  And the one thing we all have in common is that our silent crime was giving unconditional love. – Regina Marie
• When we're looking at the effects of abuse, it's never about just one person. It is always about the family. – Dr. Char Newbold

Resources Mentioned:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_JROnPKwi6XErHqF404Na7J36QSlsOx5/view?usp=sharing

Click this link for the full show notes:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vaAJcdcWwz1ObG5pqEqBy7U5F6lfIFrdIY-x5PCWLns/edit?usp=sharing

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