My Healing Village
My Healing Village
Domestic Violence: The Barriers to Leaving
Most of us, at one point in our lives, have known, witnessed, or at least heard about a victim of abuse and violence – whether it was someone we personally know like a friend or family member, a neighbor, or even a celebrity. And perhaps the first and seemingly logical question that people ask when they encounter this situation is, “Why not just leave?”
But for victims and survivors of abuse, we know very well that it’s never as easy as “just leaving.” We go through so many sleepless nights dealing with self-doubt and anxiety. We keep on trying and failing to speak up, reach out, and carry out plans of running off to safety. And amidst all the confusion, pain, and fear, we sometimes end up losing friends and allies.
We may never run out of reasons why it is difficult; but essentially, there are so many barriers that prevent people from leaving an abusive relationship.
In episode 4 of My Healing Village, let us further understand some of the forms and examples of abuse, the reasons why victims don’t speak up, and the stages and consequences we have to face when we finally do stand up for ourselves.
Through my personal experiences, allow me to relate with you. Know that you are not alone in this journey and that there are options and pathways that you can decide to take.
Yes, some people may not understand what you are going through; there will always be someone who would question you with judgment or go as far as gaslighting you. But I hope you also know that there are a lot more others who can support, empower, and validate you.
Healing Points of This Episode:
- Physical abuse does not only mean laying a hand on the victim.
- Abuse can start with threats and intimidation before it moves to actual physical abuse.
- Experts and professionals can help in addressing the trauma caused by the abusive relationship.
- Despite the possibility that family, friends, or allies will not completely understand or help you, do not be afraid to reach out.
Words of Healing:
- Physical abuse isn't just when your abuser lays hands on your body; it is way more than that. Physical abuse can also be damaging properties – such as throwing or destroying objects – punching walls, kicking doors, scaring you by driving recklessly, trapping you in your home or keeping you from leaving, using a weapon to threaten you, and more. – Regina Marie
- “Why do you think you keep going back?” It's an impossible question to answer. You know this, there are literally a million tiny reasons and some deeper rooted ones about self-worth and generational trauma that don't cross our minds half the time while we're in the thick of it. – Regina Marie
- True love is never an addiction because it's not actually a feeling at all. It's a values-based choice. – Lisa Marie Bobby, Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love
Resources Mentioned:
Click this link for the full show notes:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12_hFfjAbsyqK6r6ihVJYDOFMyHi-AHLnYZgpFARSsH8/edit#
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